Holding on to Grace

I’ve just finished a long season in life caring for my Dad. When he passed away in December I realized I don’t have to pay his bills, check his clothes and advocate for his care.  Someone has already taken his bed at the nursing home and I don’t belong there anymore. I no longer will bring him a Dunkin and a muffin. I guess part of what I feel is grief in saying goodbye but also a loss of my position as daughter and caretaker.

My children are grown and are trying to establish their own lives in this world. Jeremy – our special needs son – lives at home and will always need supervision and support to manage life but he too has a job and daily routine that doesn’t include my direct care.

Not quite 60 I have retired from my career as an operating room nurse due to health concerns. Although I mostly worked part-time it has been a challenging, highly skilled and exciting part of my life and meaningful part of my person-hood.

I am a person that likes “to do”, be busy and be involved. But at this juncture in my life when I should feel free and relaxed, I started hearing an old voice of insecurity!  “You are too young to retire, you are lazy, nobody cares, what are you going to DO with your life?”  A friend hit the nail on the head when she commented , “I think you are under spiritual attack .You’ve got to give yourself grace. You have been through a lot the past few years!”

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹  not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.       Eph 2:8-10 (ESV)

I’ve always been told Grace means “God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense”. Jesus paid it all for my salvation and I don’t do anything to earn it. So what does grace look or feel like?  What are some of God’s riches for me at this point in my life?

It is FREEDOM –

• no regrets in how we cared for my Dad or my Mother-in law – no guilt.
• to rest – I don’t have to work a very physically and mentally demanding job .
• to choose – I don’t have to beat myself up for not going to the gym or whatever lie the inner voice says

My IDENTITY is not defined by what I do!  It is WHO I AM.

• In Christ, I am a daughter of the King! His Princess! His beloved Child
• In My relationships – I am a wife, mother, sister, cousin, friend and neighbor- I can focus on, enjoy and pray for them all!

³⁷ And Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ”     Matt 22:37-39

My RESPONSIBILITY in this new season

• is to love God first and foremost with heart, soul and mind. I cannot do that without daily spending time reading His word and in prayer.
• right now is to just BE and to WAIT for Him to show me what the next step is. He isn’t finished with me yet!

“Be still, and know that I am God”.       Psalms 46:10 (ESV)

 “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”    Isaiah 40:31 (ESV)

   Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.       Heb 4:16 (ESV)

 My PRAYER

• Dear God, help me to stop striving and just hold onto GRACE.